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Weight Loss

[2 months ago]

When I first read the description for my final assignment, it seemed a bit heavy, but not impossible: a 10-15 page literature review. I had picked a subject I was interested in and had downloaded something like 50 pdf reproductions of relevant articles. Surely I could cobble together 15 pages of digested results and discussion.

[1 week ago]

When I started writing my assignment, I found the going very slow and tedious. It’s not easy to summarize 50 research papers-worth of knowlege into 15 pages. Still, I answered my earlier fears of not being able to meet the length requirement by having a wealth of material and personal insight to write about. With about 7 pages complete, 15 pages should be no problem.

[3 days ago]

With nearly 10 pages of single-spaced writing complete, I re-read the assignment description to make sure I had the formatting correct. A perfect time to notice that my paper is supposed to double spaced. My 2/3rds complete, 10 page long, single-spaced paper. Time to bring out the axe.

[1 day ago]

Having made seriously gut-wrenching editorial decisions to trim my previously thorough overview into a nearly unrecognizable, highly specific (and most importantly double-spaced) review, my paper clocks in at exactly 15 pages, without bibiolography or abstract. I re-read the assignment description to make sure I get everything right. Of course, I then find out that each section needs to start on its own page, adding nearly 2 pages of whitespace to my already emaciated husk of a research project. Significant overages in length will result in lowered grades, the professor says. Time to bring out the axe yet again.

[2 hours before the assignment is due]

Having trimmed all the fat and the majority of muscle from my paper, I allow myself a moment of relaxation before I realize that I haven’t inserted the fucking figures yet. At this point, I’m ready to scream. More editing, more condensing, more omissions.

[10 minutes before final deadline]

I attach my now completely unrecognizable, criminally superficial review to an email that profusely apologizes for the brevity and lack of scope. It used to be a great paper, I promise. I briefly consider attaching the original an a following email, just to make sure my professor understands that I’m not as stupid as my edited version may suggest. It is clear to me now why directors release ‘Special Editions’ of their movies on DVD.

5 Comments

  1. Haha, I’m currently working on an approximately 10 page double spaced paper in which I have to summarize and pick apart just ONE journal article. I can’t even imagine to what sort of vague garbage yours had to be reduced…

    Posted on 05-Dec-05 at 3:32 pm | Permalink
  2. I could have written the article for you in one sentence: “Don’t let the doctors design your website.”

    Posted on 05-Dec-05 at 4:03 pm | Permalink
  3. In the immortal words of Coolio,
    “Life’s a b*tch and then you die
    Still tryin’ ta get a piece of da apple pie.”

    Posted on 05-Dec-05 at 11:49 pm | Permalink
  4. Noam

    which reminds me of the tenpager I have due tommorrow.
    thanks dave…

    Posted on 06-Dec-05 at 1:03 am | Permalink
  5. Noam

    oh, and dave - I’m we’re still waiting for the 10 page BrainVisa toturial. Or have you created a Wiki for it instead ;)

    Posted on 06-Dec-05 at 1:06 am | Permalink