dailyeatings

(Emerging from the bathroom) “Um, Dave, I kind of feel like I need to explain something. So, when I used to live in the dorms in college, we didn’t have paper towels and the air dryers were broken all the time and I have really dry skin so I never used them anyway, so I got into this habit that whenever I finished washing my hands, I would wipe them on my hair to dry. It helps keep my hair under control and it’s soft and you know, it’s just this habit now. ”

Um, okaaaay.

“Anyway, sometimes when I do this I pull some pieces out and (pulling me into the bathroom) so instead of just throwing it into the trash can, I just throw it–”

Kristen, what the–

(laughing) “into the toilet, which if it’s a problem, I can totally flush it now, I just wanted–”

What the heck–

(In between laughs) “to let you know before you wonder what the heck that was and get totally grossed out like my cousins, who just freaked out when they saw this before; I mean, it’s just hair! I didn’t want to put it in the trash, that would be just gross. It’s just hair! I can flush it now, if it’s a problem. Seriously, I can flush it if it’s a problem. Okay? Are you totally grossed out? (Still laughing) Do you want me to flush it now? What? Say something!”

I want you to reach in, pick it out, and throw it into the garbage.

(Reaching over) “Okay, i’ll flush it now–”

No, you’re going to pick it up and throw it away.

“Flushing it now…”

Kris, I can’t begin to describe how gross you are.

(Laughing hysterically) It’s just hair!