Chips, soda, napkins… Is this the shopping list for the party? “Yes.” Mom, you wrote this, right? “Yes. Are you making fun of me?” Well, Mom, I’m not quite sure what L-A-Z-A-R-N-I-A is. “Lazarnia.” Lasagna. “Yes, Lazarnia!” (Barely able to stifle laughter) Mom, that’s not really how you spell it. “Oh yeah? How do you [...]
“Like, I never realized it until know, but, like, you’re so cute. Fuck me, you’re beautiful!” Below me live three party-hearty fraternity guys and a really skinny emo-chick who doesn’t look like she bathes often. They enjoy smoking and drinking together on the breezeway immediately outside my window. They also enjoy talking loudly while drunk [...]
Hi, I’m here for my 9.30 appointment. “What’s your pet’s name?” Reese. “Last name?” Guinea-pig. “Your pet’s last name?” Yeah, Guinea-pig. “No, what’s your last name?” Oh me? Hwang, But my guin– “Reese Hwang, alrighty, please take a seat, the doctor will be out shortly.” Um, just for the record, my pet’s name is Reese [...]
Has Never Had a Real Boyfriend and her friend-of-a-friend Infamously Horny Sex Columnist stand together, trying to stay warm as we enter the second of a nearly three-hour wait for a table for 17 at the local redneck steakhouse. Has Never Had a Real Boyfriend asks Columnist for her advice concerning dealings with men, and [...]
Ding. 1st floor. Doors open. Walks in with a steaming jar and a piece of paper stuck to it. Stands between me and the med student in the other corner of the elevator. Wisps of smoke pour out of the jar. I lean over to read the piece of paper. The font is too small. [...]
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